Carnage Ep 5

-Hawk and Cass face off segment
-Bellamy interrupt, tells Cass he won't get another chance to be in title tournament, and announces title tournament matches*.
-Freddrick Detor comes out
-Cass over Detor via referee stopage
-Shaz Promo
-Dingo Mac Promo
-Shaz over when Ramon distracts Dingo, Heskey makes the save
-Smoggie Promo
-UK Recap
-Enemy Lines Promo
-Mixed Emotions promo
-Fresh Amirez def Mixed Emotions after interference from Kurt Warrech
-Dave Steele Promo
-Kryptonite Promo
-Kryptonite Squash The Dude in a Hardcore Match
-Ryan Rhodes Promo
-Will.I.Am takes a seat at ringside.
-Ramon Promo
-Heskey Promo
-Ramon goes over, (Frewin interference)

*Shaz vs. Smoggie

Dave Steel vs. Ryan Rhodes

Dingo Mac vs. CAR/Heskey*

Amadeus Frewin is going to cost Heskey that match

Cass and Hawk are going to have a face off segment

Bellamy is going to announce the first round matchups for the title tournament

Shaz vs. Smoggie

Dave Steel vs. Ryan Rhodes

Dingo Mac vs. CAR/Heskey

And we'll get a promo from all of them

Will I Am will come out scouting in the main event

Enemy Lines (Fresh Amirez & Kurt Warrech) and Mixed Emotions will debut

Fresh Amirez def Mixed Emotions after interference from Kurt Warrech

Kryptonite will squash The DUDE in a hardcore match

Updated

EWA CARNAGE EPISODE 5



https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GY86CXkgMRU#t=0s

*The Carnage Crowd is pumped up, as we are here in Spain*

Howard Huggins: And we are here for Carnage in the football capital of the world, Madrid, Spain. Howard Huggins here with Bobby Watson, and we are here dealing with the consequences of Untamed Khaos, where Mike Hawk turned his back on all of his fans

Bobby Watson: It was a genius tactic if there ever was one. Jim Bellamy and "Mr. Mayhem" Mike Hawk joined forces, which gave Hawk the victory in the fatal four way match, and a bye into the semi finals of the Carnage title tournament.

Howard: Now you would have to wonder that the General Manager and the former number 1 superstar in EWA, are they unstoppable

Bobby: They are. They're exactly like Vickie Guerrero and Edge

Howard: As "partners"? BAD THOUGHT! BAD THOUGHT!

Carnage is Mayhem

*Mike Hawk comes out to the ring in a brand new suit with the biggest smirk on his face. As he walks, he receives boos from every direction. He is making the insert title here motion on his waist and telling the fans, the day is coming.*

Bobby: And here comes the man in the moment

Howard: What may he possibly want to say. Some heelish stuff obviously

Bobby: Stereotypical much?

Howard: What else may he want to say

Bobby: He may want to thank his fans

Howard: What fans? He betrayed them all

Bobby: He may have gained new fans from his genius plan

*When Hawk climbs up to the ring he demands the announcer to hold the rope down before he gets in. Hawk's about to speak when...*

Cass has arrived

*Cass runs down the ramp and goes nose to nose with Hawk*

Howard: To quote Daniel Bryan, YES YES YES YES YES YES

Bobby: What's this loser doing here?

Howard: Cheaters never prosper

Bobby: Good guys finish last

Howard: Bad Guys always loses

Bobby: Goodies have no fun

Howard: Batman was a good guy

Bobby:... You got me there

Hawk: Well look what we have here, wait let me guess before you say anything. You are angry because I knocked you out of the tournament and you are going to beg me to give you the first shot once I get through this meaningless tournament.

Cass: I'm not bothered about the tournament. Other opportunities will come and go...But what you did was pathetic. All 4 of us were making history! The first match for Carnage on a PPV. We were showing what we had to offer and what do you do?! You do something absolutely cheap. Why in the hell would you turn to the smelly side?!

*The crowd are chanting “Hawk is Smelly” over and over. Hawk looks mystified before composing himself and continuing

Hawk: No offence fan's, but I actually know what a shower is. But Cass, why did I turn? Wow, you are dense but, I wasn't working with Ramon if that's what you were thinking, I was there for myself. I planned on getting rid of you from the beginning because you were my biggest competition so if anything you should feel honored.

Cass: You know what you are Hawk. You're pure scum. I honestly thought 1 of us was going to win in better fashion. But you show your true colours. You're a selfish prick who will get a lesson taught to him, and the man who will teach you that lesson is me. Quite frankly, I still deserve to be in the tournament. How can we have an ending like that to start off this tournament!

Bobby: Shut up fictional bitch

Howard: You're my fictional bitch! Now go backstage and bend over!

Bobby: Thats a Secret douchebag. We'll get fired if Destruction knows

Hawk: You deserve to be in the tournament? I am scum? You knew to rules going into this match, and I won cleanly. A month ago, you brought me here as a mystery tag partner to help you. Now I bet you feel dumb right now.

*The crowd are chanting “qué” after every sentence Hawk says, a Spanish Tribute to Stone Cold Steve Austin*

Cass: I brought you in that match because I saw something in you that the world should needs to see. You have the potential to be miles bigger than Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and The Rock put together. Hence why I let you put your foot in the door. But that mistake will not happen again my ex-friend. Cause I promise you 1 thing. You will not win that EWA Carnage championship. Mark my words.

*Cass gets very close to his face and neither man refuse to do anything other than stare deeply into each others eyes for a few seconds*

Hawk: Once the era of Mayhem begins, there will be no other champions. I will do something never done before and hold the title until I retire and take it with me. The lineage will begin with me and end with me. 

Cass: Y'know...You may just be good enough to do that. But as god as my witness. Regardless of how long you're going to go for this championship. I'm going to be right behind you all your career, preventing you from getting it until I get my vengeance on you for going so low...

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c ]Like. A. Boss[/url]

Bobby: Oh yeah! It's the motherfucking boss

Howard: Language

Bobby: Okay, It''s the madre puto jefe.

Howard: I hate you

Bobby: I hate you too babes

*Jim Bellamy comes onto the stage and slowly walks onto the ramp. The jumps into the ring and hi-5's Hawk Lonely Island style, as Cass stared on in disgust*

Bellamy: Before I get onto this situation brewing, I have a couple of announcements. This Carnage, is a special Carnage, because it's the Carnage, after Untamed Khaos. The next Special Carnage, is in 2 weeks, because it is before Clash at the Colosseum. If you get what I am getting at, the shows before and after the PPV will be the ones where myself will be watching intently, so expect them to be longer in length.

*A Si! Chant is heard booming throughout the arena*

Bellamy: Now Cass, I'm glad you don't want to be reinstated into the title tournament, because you couldn't be anyway. You had your chance and you lost it. If you want a title shot, you're going to have to wait for it, and wait... and wait... and wait... and wait, then Hawk's son will win it, then you will have to wait... and wait.

*The crowd is booing the hell out of Bellamy, but Hawk and himself are laughing their asses off*

Bellamy: Tonight, as you know, I will make this simple, by putting the matches up on the titantron. Tonight, Heskey and Ramon face off to decide who will get through to the title tournament proper. Then, next week, these matches will happen *Bellamy reads them out as they appear on the screen*

-Smog vs Shaz

-Dave Steele vs Ryan Rhodes

-Dingo Mac vs Carlos Alberto Ramon or Ivanhoe Heskey

Bellamy: And the week after

-Smog or Shaz vs Mike Hawk

-Carlos Alberto Ramon or Ivanhoe Heskey or Dingo Mac vs Dave Steele or Ryan Rhodes

Bellamy: With the winner of those 2 matches facing off at the Clash of the Colosseum PPV, with the winner being the inaugural Carnage Champion. And that is all we have to say.

*Bellamy and Hawk leaves the ring, and Cass attempts to also, but Bellamy interrupts*

Bellamy: Oh, don't go anywhere Cass, I almost forgot, you got a match next, against this man

*Freddrick Detor enters the ring from behind, he waits for Cass to turn around before clotheslining him out of his boots. Detor has a smile on his face, as we head into a commercial*

Commercial

Howard: We are back, and the match is already underway

Detor=Albert, Cass=Matt Hardy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frGtRCJUeHU
1:37-4:06 – Ignore Lita

Howard: Kick out! Just in time for Cass there

Bobby: I thought it was over.

Howard: It may still be

*Freddrick Detor picks up Cass, and locks in a double underhook. H looks like he is going to go for the Keep Out Of A-MARE-E-CA backbreaker, but Cass slids out, and hits a suicide solution*

Bobby: Dammit Detor – you took too long!

Howard: A Double Underhook Powerbomb requires a lot of time to set up, although credit to Cass for breaking out of it.

Bobby: Flukey Shit

Howard: Do you ever go a sentence without swearing

Bobby: Does your mum always moan about how bad your dad is at fucking, cos she doesn't for me.

Howard: Mature

*Both men slowly get's to their feet, and Cass nails a superkick out of nowhere!*

Howard: Finest hour! Cass it's it

Bobby: FUCKING SHIT – BOLLOCKS

Howard: Cass isn't done yet...

*Cass decides against the cover, and stands Detor up. He nails another superkick, but Detor doesn't go down, just staggers against the ropes. Cass quickly picks up Detor on his shoulders, and lands The Final Chapter Argentine Backbreaker DDT. The referee rings the bell, and stops the match himself*

Howard: Cass is pissed

Bobby: He just literally destroyed Detor, who hasn't done anything wrong

Howard: He attacked Cass from behind before the match, and in hindsight that was a bad idea, and you can see how angry and frustrated Cass is

Bobby: Well, an impressive display from Cass anyway. After the commercial, we will here from every wrestler in the Carnage Championship Tournament, along with seeing Dingo Mac and Shaz face each other, in a rematch from last week.

Commercial

*We come back from the commercial as Dingo is walking around backstage holding onto Bazza and a six-pack of beer, he sees Triple J and walks up to him.*

Dingo: Hey mate, I got some shit to do, can you hold onto Bazza for me.

Triple J: Uh---

Dingo: Cheers mate, here have a beer as well.

*Dingo hands Bazza to Triple J and gives him a beer from the six-pack he then turns to the cameraman*

Dingo: Walk with me!

*Dingo starts walking through the halls of EWA with a cameraman walking backwards facing him. He opens one of his beers and has a quick skull.*

Dingo: As you may have seen blokes and babes of all ages, I left Bazza in the capable hands of Triple J for the time being. Now the reason that I did that is that I need to concentrate on getting some form tonight. You see as you may or may not be aware there is a tournament beginning to crown EWA Carnages first world champion. Mike Hawk has already weaselled his way past the first round and that means that I cannot afford to get a loss on my record. Next week I face either Ivanhoe Heskey or far more likely Carlos Ramon. Both of these men are drongos and I am positive that I can get over either of them but before I do I must put a put that moron Shaz behind me right here tonight. Don’t get me wrong I have heard good things about this man from other places but really, what has he done to impress.

*Dingo skulls his drink and throws the empty can at Mike Hawk who is sitting down watching a tv screen. Mike Hawk stands up and gets in Dingo’s face.*

Dingo: Sit the fuck down you dirty rotten number two. The number one man in EWA is walking to the ring. I’ll see you in the finals of the tournament. You can wait that long for a beating can’t ya?

*Mike doesn’t say anything and continues to stand in Dingo’s way.*

Dingo: Well. Suit yourself.

*Dingo grabs Hawk and shoves him out of the way before continuing his walk. He opens another beer and skulls it before again tossing the can around backstage.*

???: Hey clean up after yourself!

Dingo: Shut the fuck up prick. You piss me off!

???: Fine don’t clean up after yourself... I’ll do it for you!

Dingo: Don’t you dare Ali!

Ali Kazam: too late!

*Ali Kazam, who is floating above the Dingo’s head, waves his hands and the empty can flies at Dingo’s head. Dingo catches it and throws it back at Ali’s head knocking Ali out before Dingo resumes walking.*

Dingo: Not the time mate. As I said folks, I am concentrating on winning this tournament. No one in this tournament can stop me. If I face worst in the world Ivanhoe Heskey. Win for me! If I face Alberto Del Rio... I mean Razor Ramo... I mean Carlos Ramon or whatever the Greek Mexican’s name is, if I face him I will win.

*Dingo opens another beer and skulls it down. He throws the can, this time hitting Dave Steele who immediately has a fit and starts swearing.*

Steele: %^%$# ^&^@^* @*^&#* #((*@ #(*(# @(*@(*

*Dingo pauses and laughs to himself*

Dingo: Calm down killer! Now Steele if you’re this angry after that, imagine how you are gonna feel after I win this tournament and make a joke out of every other man in this contest. Sorry to leave you here so pissed off but I have to go and beat up little old Shaz. I am going to make an example out of him. Shaz is going to be a taste of what’s to come. So if you will excuse me I still have another two beers to drink on my way to the ring.

*Steele keeps swearing but he lets Dingo pass. While Dingo walks past, Steele stares at him intensely and Dingo doesn’t appreciate it one bit!*

Dingo; Mate relax here have a drink.

*Dingo tosses him a beer and walks off*

Dingo: Now where was I? Right Shaz, I’ll see you out there dude, but whatever you do don’t hold onto that false feeling that you are the best in world, because if you hold onto that illusion well your world is about to come crashing down! I’m almost ready so I’ll see you in one beers time.

*Dingo opens his last drink and holds it up to the camera.*

Dingo: Cheers...

*Dingo holds up the drink. He starts drinking it and pushes the cameraman out of his way as he makes his way to ringside.*
Get me a Foster's Mate

Bobby: An Australian wrestling legend... is not here.

Howard: Dingo is a legend, but another Australian legend is someone like Jason Donovan. He is Bang Tidy

Bobby: Bang Tidy?

Howard: A joke for the Englishman

Bobby: You know we're in Spain, don't you?

Howard: But we still have more English viewers than anywhere else in the world. Plus, 3 of the 4 Board Members are English, so if you want to keep your job, you bet...

Bobby: I LOVE ENGLAND. EURO 2012 CHAMPIONS, ENGLAND! STEVEN GERRARD AND WAYNE ROONEY ARE LEGENDS

Howard: Ass kisser

Shaz! Ah Ahh

Bobby: Wrestlemania 27 theme song? So Old...

Howard: You're 63!

Bobby: What does that have to do with anything

Howard: It has to do with the fact that you're a paedophile. I've seen you outside school

Bobby: And let's here from Shaz...

Shaz: So, some of you imbeciles will know that I am part of the EWA Carnage Champion tournament! And most of you pricks are probably wondering why I look pissed off! Well, the fact that their is a tournament as I mentioned earlier! But their really should NOT be one! Why should their be a tournament when you know who's gonna win?


*CROWD CHANT 'NOT YOU!'*

Shaz: 'Not me'? What the fuck do you mean, 'not me'? Cause it's gonna be me! I am the best in the world! I can take on anyone put in front of me! I can defeat anyone with my finisher 'Best in the World'! Like it or not! I couldn't give two shits about anyone in the roster! But all you retards should know that I will beat anyone in the roster! So what makes you people think that I won't beat anyone in the pathetic tournament?


*HEAVY BOOS SPREAD AROUND THE ARENA*

And it turns out that I've been put in a match with Smoogie for the tournament!...Snooki more like! And I will beat the shit out of him! To go one step ahead of everyone in this tournament!

*BOOS*

Oh and Dingo Mac, you better watch out cause tonight I will make you suffer! Because I am the Rapid King...the Best in the World at what I do! And there is nothing and I mean nothing! That can take that away from me!

Bobby: I changed my mind, I like him

Howard: You would, wouldn't you

Bobby: What do you mean?

Howard: Every bad guy you love, every good guy you hate

Bobby: Meh, what you see is what you get

Jericho=Shaz Malenko=Jericho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIJJe9e1_vM
Ignore Entrances and watch until 14:56

Bobby: Back Superplex coming

Howard: Dingo's in trouble, if Shaz lands it, it will probably be over

*Dingo delivers a few back elbows to Shaz, and positions himself in a jawbreaker clutch*

Howard: This looks bad

Bobby: Shaz! Get the fuck down

Howard: Dingo, you're going to hurt yourself as well

*Dingo backflips, and lands a delivers A MOTHERFUCKING TOP ROPE SLICED BREAD*

Howard: WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, THAT FALL BROKE HIM IN HALF

Bobby: That's it, he's dead

Howard: Since when did we become King and JR

Bobby: Since that huge spot. Both landed slightly awkwardly, and both could lose this match now

Howard: No fucking way

Bobby: This isn't real

Howard: Dingo's getting up!

*Dingo get's up, and is preparing for his Crocodile Strike Spear as Shaz begins to stir*

Bobby: The match is already over, no need to add insult to injury

Howard: Dingo can tell Shaz will kick out. I mean he's stirring dammit!

Bobby: Wait, who's that

*Carlos Alberto Ramon run's down to ringside. Dingo goes over, and asks what he's doing here, but Ramon keeps his mouth shut. Shaz suddenly comes into the frame with a roll-up.

1

2

3

Howard: Shaz stole one, all thanks to that evil Ramon.

Bobby: Wait, Dingo's pissed

*Ramon retreats up the ramp, and Dingo follows. Ramon is about to go behind the curtain, but Heskey runs out and punches Ramon in the kisser. He punches again, and one more time, before...*

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c ]And Again, like a frickin boss[/url]

Bellamy: Woah, woah, woah Stop. Ivanhoe, if you or Ramon touch each other again tonight before your match, you both, will be out of the title tournament. And Dingo, if you touch them, or they touch you, you will also be out of the tournament. Now get out of this area! We got a commercial to air, and we need the money! And that is how, you handle it, Like. The. Boss

Commercial

*A smallish man staggers into the screen. His eyes are all bloodshot, and has a bottle of Foster's in his hand. He talks with a slur and seems legitimally pissed*

Smog: Hello all, I am... I am, Wait who am I again?

Cameraman: Smog, you are Smog

Smog: Oh Right, I am The Smog, Smoggie, The Smog Monster, and the greatest wrestler who ever lived WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. And you know what I love, I love, I love all of my fans, especially mommy. Hello Mommy, I love you, the years I drank from your HUGE Tits were the best years of my... my entire life, and by god they were motherfucking huge.

Cameraman: Are you okay Smog?

Smog: Of course I'm ok, When you drink Foster's, and Carlsberg, and Guinness, along with whatever AWESOME Spanish wine I had today, you have to feel ok. I mean, the cocaine certainly helped, but I feel fabulous

Cameraman: So, you're pissed?

Smog: You're damn motherfucking right I'm pissed, but the policeman was more pissed than me when I drove over here!

Cameraman: You drank and drove! Say the alphabet backwards

Smog: I can kick your ass backwards, if that's what ya asking for. Thanks Steve for the line as well, line of Coke I mean, and the beer, and the beer, and the coke... wait (looks around the room,) where am I?

Cameraman: You're supposed to be a cutting a promo on the title tournament

Smog: Oh yeah, I like tities,

Cameraman: Titles!

Smog: Whatever! I face Shaz, right? Shaz! He gave me all this booze! Thanks a lot Shaz, I owe ya one, in fact, I'll pay for it all. How much? 5 euro's? 10 maybe. In face, how about I give you an ass kicking as well. Because I'm the champion of the world.

Cameraman: What?

Smog: WE... ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FWIEND, DA DA DA... AND WE'LL... KEEP... ON FIGHTING.. UNTIL THE BEND DA DA DA DA... CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... DON'T TALK... TO LOSERS, BECAUSE WE... ARE... THE... BLAH (Smoggie Throws up in a bin) CHAMPIONS! OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD

Cameraman: I fucking hate this place

Howard: I love this guy

Bobby: Turning up drunk to the job, what a douchebag. He should be fired

Howard: You're a fucking paedo yet you're not fired

Bobby: Let's run down the Untamed Khaos Results

Howard: We haven't got much time, so we've told to only do these matches. Alex Kidd retained against Rob Rage due to interference by Croft's Limited

Bobby: Raden Blain defeated Ryan Wells – a late replacement for Mike Muir – to become the inaugural Pain Champion.

Howard: Jack Phenix retained via DQ, Two of a Kind also retained.

Bobby: Ryku O'Ryan beat Gaileo, and Broc and Michael “The Archangel” got the better of Van Hooligan X and Hanz Gruber respecively.

Howard: And there was many more, but if you want to know them, flick back a few pages lazy asshole.

Bobby: Next we have new debutants, in a tag team match, so let's invite the 1st lot down here

*The light dims backstage and when they come up in a few seconds and we hear dramatic opera music and see Pride and Sorrow in their happy and sad opera masks

Pride: Do you feel that brother, the excitement and drama of the music! It means we are finally here in the EWA, the rush before the match is amazing!

Sorrow: We got put against some other new guys so I don't plan on wasting much energy. If anything they should just quit so we don't have to do work and they don't take a beating.

Pride: Nonsense, we are in the EWA and if anything we should use these guys to set an example on what happens if you get in our way.

*Sorrow starts to laugh

Sorrow: It's simple, if you stand on our path towards the tag team titles, then we will take you out on A Night at the Opera. The next PPV is in our hometown and we plan on taking the tag titles that night in front of our fans and celebrate by enriching ourselves in a peaceful opera house instead of watching crap like bullfighting.

*The audience erupts in a loud chorus of boos.

Pride: Sorrow save what little energy you use for our opponents. But yes, we are here only for the tag titles not to face the small fish, but unlike my brother, I can't wait to show all of you what we can actually do. Enemy Lines, your in for the night of your lives!

*Mixed Emotions walks away to prepare for their match

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2baHUlP77rw ]Happy, Sad, Grumpy, Angry, Relieved, Frustrated...[/url]

Howard: A good indication of things to come for mixed emotions

Bobby: And their opponents, are already in the ring, Fresh Amirez.

Howard: What we do know about Fresh Amirez, is that they are brothers, Clyde Amirez and Zack Amirez, and they are aligned with another unknown wrestler, Kurt Warrech, in a stable called Enemy Lines

Bobby: Let's see if they add anything else

Clyde: We are Fresh Amirez and we will whoop you ass from here all the way to Alaska.

Zack: And from Alaska all the way to a place the sun doesn't shine.

Clyde: We are no trash talkers, we are the best in the whole Tag team division.

Zack: Thats why we will become tag team champions!

Both: Roger That!

Howard: Short and Sweet

Bobby: Just like your 50 year old girlfriend said your performance in bed is like

Howard: Come on, me, a grown up girlfriend? Don't lie

Kofi=Pride – Evan=Sorrow - Epico=Clyde - Primo=Zack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jJHOtJXR1E
Skip Entrances and watch until 9:33

Howard: What's Pride going to do now

Bobby: I think he know's

*Pride hit's a leg drop on Clyde, as a mystery man makes his way to ringside*

Howard: Who's this

Bobby: I got an idea.

*The mystery man tries to get into the ring, but the referee stops him. While the ref is distracted, Clyde hit's a low blow on Pride, and plants him with a DDT*

Bobby: Isn't it obvious? It's Kurt Warrech

Howard: That makes sense I guess, and he's going for a cover

1

2

3

Bobby: And Fresh Amirez win's it, genius' they are.

Howard: Cheats never beat

Bobby: Well, actually they did just beat Mixed Emotion's, so think about what you say

Howard: This will catch up to them, wait and see

*The camera cuts backstage to Iva Hardy, with Dave Steele*

Iva Hardy: Steele, what are your chances of winning this tournament for the Carnage Championship?

Steele: Iva...first of all, you talk to much so please shut that hole under your nose. Just stand there, be quiet Iva. Ryan Rhodes you will just be another victim on The Gunner's quest to capture the gold. I've said it before and I'll remind you again, my destiny is to be the best this business has ever seen. I am the best superstar that this business will ever see. I finally get my opportunity to show what I can really do to those that dare challenge me. Rhodes, nothing personal son, but business is business and I need to take out the trash. If you don't want to show up for our fight, I won't hold it against you little man, quite frankly, I don't blame you. I'm not an easy task to beat. I am a 6' 7", 310lbs war machine ready to take out whoever needs to be taken out. Enough talk, it's time for some action.

Iva Hardy: Mr. Steele... I was wondering (Steele grabs the mic)

Steele: Iva, I forgot you were standing there.... what part of "SHUT UP" don't you understand Hardy? No more questions, I'm done talking. Rhodes, I'll see you at the ring. Oorah!

Commercial

Howard: And next, we have a Hardcore Match, featuring Kryptonite, and The Dude!

Bobby: Remember The Dude? He was a forgotten legend in EWN history

Howard: He was a troll, and now, we need to see if he get's his just desserts

Bobby: Desserts? I like Ice Cream, Cake, Jelly, but not Pie. I HATE PIE

Howard: You would though

Bobby: So would you.

THE DUDE – HAS NO FRIENDS

Howard: And here comes the Jobber. Wait what? Really? Sorry boss. I mean here comes the underdog

Bobby: I like this man, or at least I would if he wasn't an asshole.

Howard: And we are being told he isn't speaking until his ban from EWN is lifted

Bobby: Might be a while then

Superman's enemy

*Kryptonite comes out and he poses in the cruificx position like Jericho with a mic in his hand*

*The music stops and at the top of the ramp Kryptonite takes a seat like CM Punk did in his big promo and begins to talk*

Kryptonite: I'm done holding back, tonight you people will see my true strength. I will make this “Dude” tap like a little bitch. I will use everything i can use to make you injured, i can use the ladder, i can throw you into fire, i can jump off a ladder upon you and a fireburning table. Just to make sure i'm hurting you. I'm Kryptonite and I'm 'The One'..

Ding Ding Ding

Kryptonite and The Dude circle each other, before The Dude runs at Kryptonite. Kryptonite manages to get a drop toe hold, and attempts to lock in a crossface. The Dude quickly escapes to the outside, before it is locked fully on. He tries to retreat up the ramp, but Kryptonite gets a chair from under the ring, and smashes it over The Dude's back.

Bobby: Ouch, did you hear that.

Howard: No, because apparently “we're fake” so the sound isn't real

Bobby: Shut up “Smark” dickhead

The Dude is in tears on the floor, as Kryptonite just has a smile on his face. He sends The Dude back into the ring, before bringing a table, and a spray can into the ring, He set's up the table, and brings The Dude up. He hit's the G6 Implant Buster through the table, and just smiles. He pulls down The Dude's trunks, expossing his bare ass, and the tiniest penis imaginable (bet your glad I gave you the thought, didn't you), and sprayed the letter K on his backside.

Bobby: Has Kryptonite got a fetish on Spray Painting Asses

Howard: You know it's not that, he's just dishing the ultimate embarressment

Kryptonite then left the ring, and grabbed a Singaporn Cane, and re-entered the ring. He turned The Dude over, before placing the Cane on his neck, and pushing down on it. The Dude has no choice but to tap out and scream like a little girl.

Howard: Kryptonite has just dominated on his EWA debut. A great debut

Bobby: Ha Ha, The Dude, is The Douche

Howard: Not only that, but The Dude is a motherfu...

*The camera cut's off, and goes to a empty field. There seems to be no-one there, but suddenly Extraterrestrial appears*

ET: Hey guys, remember me? I'm the guy that sent Zack Silver into future endeavourment. The Crash Landing through the table, wasn't that a great moment. One, that I will certainly remember. If you read the JBW Draft, you would've seen everything about me. But Extraterristrial in EWA, is a different one, than in Jabe. You see, in JBW, that is my main target. Do I save Mankind, or do I kill it? And you see, my higher ups, sent me to JBW, to answer that question. However, I decided to also join EWA. But this place, has no say, on whether you all live or die. This place, is just a place for me to have fun. This is just a place, that I can do my ass kicking, and not give 2 shits afterwards. This place, is the place for me. And on Carnage, EWA, well, you all *ET goes all serious* WILL HAVE... TO FEAR ME!

Commercial

*The camera comes back, and show's Iva Hardy, standing by Ryan Rhodes*

Iva: Hello EWAssholes, and now I am joi...

*Suddenly, Extraterrestrial appears on screen, and begins to stalk Rhodes from behind*

Iva: ...ned by Ryan Rhodes, now Ryan, what are your thoughts on your match next week with Dingo Mac

Ryan Rhodes: Why Iva, do you even have to...

*Suddenly, ET turns Ryan Rhodes behind, and places him on his shoulders, before quickly delivering a Crash Landing Samoan Drop to the concrete. ET stands up, and grabs the microphone out of Iva's hand. He smashes the microphone over Rhodes head, before smiling*

ET: And that my friends... is how you dominate... the competition

Bobby: Love him

Howard: He's a psychopath. An utter wanker

Bobby: Don't talk about ET like that. Just talk about next, otherwise Bellamy will have your head

Howard: Now it's main event time. Carlos Alberto Ramon vs Ivanhoe Heskey, winner faces Dingo Mac next week.

Bobby: A lot on stake in this match. Only one of those men can move forward, and possibly get a chance of revenge against Mike Hawk.

Howard: Who do you think will win Bobby

Bobby: Can it be anyone but Ramon? He's the more experienced superstar, travelled all over the world, and hosts a victory over Mike Hawk from last week.

Howard: Although it's hard to argue with those facts, Heskey had the match won at Untamed Khaos, if it wasn't for the referee bump. It's hard to tell, although we an now go backstage, and watch a pre-recorded Heskey interview, from yesterday evening

*Heskey is backstage sat down in a chair and the camera zooms in*

Heskey: Hello my name is Ivanhoe Heskey and tonight I take on the Portuguese superstar Carlos Ramon, the man who has disgusting chest hair and hates people who are nice.

But I refuse to have a match with Carlos Ramon because he has chest hair. I hate chest hair, People with chet hair are unrapable and I don't like that.

I like to rape people and Carlos Ramon needs to shave in order to rape him, I was gonna talk to the camera about me beating him then teabagging him after the match but now my penis is not pleased anymore. Now I need to imagine Carlos Ramon as Barbie Panzer now. Just like last time when I raped her and she started shouting MUIR MUIR MUIR.

I enjoyed raping her if I'm honest, she is hot, she is hotter than CJ. It's a funny story cus last time I raped CJ he started shouting MUIR too. I remember this one time I raped Rob Rage he liked it, oh wait a minute that was a dream. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. I'm done talking I need to go look for Rob Rage

Great, a rapist. Exactly what EWA needs

Bobby: That's some weird shit

Howard: HOW'D THAT FUCKING DRAGON GET HERE

Bobby: What

Howard: THERE'S A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON IN THE RING

Bobby: Have you been taking LSD

Howard: I saw Smog earlier if that's what your asking

Heskey is a Bitchano

Howard: I think we've overused the word Bitchano

Bobby: Bitchano?

Howard: That dragon's a Bitchano. PLEASE DON'T EAT ME

Bobby: Whatever

*Ramon's music is greeted immediately with strong boo’s from the crowd because of the Portuguese and Spanish rivalry! Carlos Alberto Ramon steps out from behind the curtain with his trademark cocky grin and starts to taunt the crowd at the top of the stage! After a few seconds, Ramon goes back behind the curtain and his music stops, the crowd notices that he is now gone…*

*after a minute or so… Ramon’s music one again plays and the Portuguese superstar steps out from behind the curtain once more, this time wearing a Barcelona FC shirt and again sporting his Trademark cocky grin and swagger! Ramon has a mic in his hand and is ready to speak*

CAR: Olá a todos, você gosta da minha camisa?

*The crowd continue to boo and have turned very hostile, throwing drinks, sweets and rappers at Ramon as he begins to walk down the Ramp!*

CAR: My name… My name is Carlos Alberto Ramon! I am the future of wrestling and the bad guy around EWA… El Bandido!

*The crowd start to chant you suck in Spanish and one fan try’s to Grab Ramon as he continues to walk down the ramp!*

CAR: But you.. You all already know that! Firstly before I start to talk about wrestling… I would love to thank the crowd for there support here tonight… And all around Madrid, since the first moment I got here I have had nothing but Cheers and welcomes from everyone! It’s good to know… That a Portuguese superstar like myself can make so many of you Spanish Bichano’s so happy!

*Ramon begins to laugh as the crowd continue to boo!*

CAR: Now enough of me making you guys happy… Ramon has been a little disappointed with him self, At Untamed Khaos I missed the chance to get myself into the Semi-finals of the title tournament and now I have to fight Heskey! I mean Heskey… Come on! This man is a joke… He is not a wrestler, he is a circus act, nothing more then a clown who tries’s to entertain you each and every week! Well the fun stops here… Tonight I will win my match, then go on and beat Dingo the crocodile hunter Mac in the 1st round of the tournament and continue all the way until I am wearing the gold chico’s!!

*Ramon reaches the ring, drops the mic and throws the Barcelona shit to the crowd and stares a hole into Heskey, before the match*

*The bell is about to ring, when a voice is heard*

???: STOP STOP, WAIT FOR ME TO GET OUT THERE

*The voice in question, is Will. I. Am, and is greeted by massive boo's*

Will. I. Am: Stop. I'm here to scout some talent. I could change one of these boys career

*The Boo's are now defeaning, as Will I Am takes a seat near the commentary desk*

Bobby: Mr Am. Mr Am. Do you want to talk to us

Will. I. Am: Why would I want to talk to 2 cunts?

Howard: Ha Ha, you've been told

Bobby: So were you though.

Howard: Oh...

Will. I. Am: WILL SOMEONE START THE GODAMM MATCH

Christian=Heskey – Del Rio=Ramon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXQmDNd3_hk
Ignore Entrances and watch until 10:30

Howard: Flying forearm by Heskey

Bobby: Impressed Mr Am?

Will. I. Am: Talk to me again and Johnny Hot will slap the taste out of your mouth

Bobby: Yes Sir

*Heskey prepares himself, as if he was about to take a penalty kick. He crowd is prepared and banging there feet on the ground, building the anticipation. Ramon get's to his feet, and is almost struck by the Pele's boot Superkick, but he fell to the ground, and the referee gets hit*

Bobby: Oh diddums

*Heskey looks on in shock, but notices Ramon coming up. He punches him back down, and shouts GOAL!!! and does a victory lap outside of the ring, with the fan's cheering him on. He stops by the ramp, and successfully starts a Mexican Wave.*

Howard: Shouldn't that be called a Madrid Wave?

Bobby: No, because it was made in Mexico, hence it's a Mexican Wave

*Heskey is about to re-enter the ring, when Amadeus Frewin, and Elfreida make their way down to ringside. Heskey decides to try to fight Frewin off, but Frewin easily over power's him, and lands the Selfish Spike DDT on the steel floor*

Both: Ouch

*Frewin throws Heskey into the ring, and Ramon crawls over for the cover*

1

2

3

Howard: Frewin cost Heskey the chance to be in the title tournament! WatsUpWidthat?

Bobby: He's upset that Heskey was picked to have a match at Untamed Khaos, and not him

Howard: Well, that's one theroy, but hopefully we'll find out the answer next week. Bobby says goodnight

Bobby: Goodnight

Howard: I say Goodnight. Goodnight, And Madrid says goodnight

Crowd: Buenas Noches

Howard: See ya next week